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Sometimes I love my children so much it hurts...
When Pumpkin said this week, "Look, I am growing fur" when he saw his arms were growing hair on them.
The squeals of delight when Squash giggles...
The pure heart of a little girl whose biggest sin of the week was saying the word "stupid" in her heart... and crying and begging forgiveness... oh, if her innocence could only last forever... if that were to be the worst word she would ever learn. In our house, "stupid" is a "bad word" - that the children are not allowed to say. Really, what use is there in the word "stupid" - who wants to hear that someone is stupid or that an object or thing is stupid... really, no use in it.... the pure heart of an innocent little girl...
I love to hear Pumpkin tell me he loves me "to the moon and back" - will he say that forever? I somehow think he might grow up and forget...
I love to listen to a 7 year old's logic of why we need to have shakes for dessert.... and why making peanut butter balls is such a good idea... and why can't we watch the Walton's tonight?
I love to hear my Pumpkin ask "what is for dinner?" when he is really asking for dessert... no matter how many times I have told him "what is for dessert?" - he chooses to use his own words...
I love to see Squash come alive... to grow from a baby that only cries, eats and sleeps... to a toddler that says: no, mommy, daddy, uh-oh... and a few other words when he wants to... To shake his head YES when we figure out what he is trying to tell us.
To see a little girl run outside to pick blueberries...
To watch a 4 year old boy learn to ride his first bike...
To see a baby learn to crawl on things... and turn the pages of a book.
Oh, to freeze these moments... to never forget them... I can't even remember 7 years ago when my baby girl was a baby... it seems so long ago... I want to remember her as a baby... but today feels and seems so real...
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Prodigal Son
What does prodigal mean? Well, according to the dictionary... "recklessly wasteful, or extravagant." Well, I was really praying about a situation when God reminded me of the story of the Prodigal Son... found in Luke 15 in the Bible... It is an amazing story of forgiveness. A parable of God's love that tells of a father who welcomes home a son who has gone astray and squandered his inheritance to return in poverty to ask forgiveness. It is beautiful... but I have never liked it. You see in the story there is the "older son". A son who obeyed his father, and stayed home to help his father with family matters. Me - I have always related to the good son - or the "rule-follower"... the responsible one who stayed behind to slave away....
So - I saw someone in my life being a prodigal - running away and living life recklessly... to be rewarded with a father's love. But in "my story", there was no forgiveness and no change of heart... no hitting the bottom and choosing to repent or change... just the celebratory homecoming. So, my bitterness overwhelms my heart. My righteous anger bubbles over for the father who is loving the son... and the son who is not repentant for all the past hurts and wrongs. For you see, one son can affect the WHOLE family. So, I found myself being the bitter son... the one saying - Father - Why? Why him? Why reward him? Why reward this one?
I think of my two sons, and wonder if there will be a day when they leave home with reckless abandon and depart from their teachings... I pray not. But then, I think I could be a bit more understanding and less bitter... so today...
I heard the most wonderful sermon at church... about forgiveness, grieving the loss, get God's strength, follow God's guidance, and expect God's restoration.
I find I am the one older son that stayed home... but I don't want to be him. I learned after careful examination that the one bitter son was just that - bitter. He was just as bad as the one who went away. He did not ask the father about the reasons why - but instead sent a servant to ask the father. I don't want that in my relationships. I want open communication. Plus, the one son was so self-righteous... and don't I have a closet full of sins that God has forgiven? Of course. I may not be a prodigal... but I have had my foolish moments that makes me thankful for grace and a forgiving God.
I heard in the sermon that I have two paths... just like this narrow road I am on... I can choose to 1. rehearse or 2. release.... I am a bit more of a rehearser in life... playing that scene over and over in the theater of my mind... but I want to release it... I want to be free. I have some hope. Releasing is not a one time thing sometimes... it is everyday, every hour, and sometimes every minute. As I write and type, I cry out to God for me to release this prodigal son, and I cry out to God to forgive me for my sin of being the bitter one... I cry out for more love for the Father and the prodigal... to release this... to find peace... for the prodigal to be a prodigal that is restored... For it is not the prodigal that scares me, I don't want to be "other son" that is home and angry. I want to be at the celebration. I want the forgiveness and love. I want to give the first toast... because when the prodigal left... don't you think the older son must have missed the prodigal so much? Just as much as the Father?
I found today that I had to admit my bitterness came from love. I love this prodigal.. and I have missed the prodigal in my life... but until a prodigal can ask forgiveness... how can there be true restoration? Only a party... So, I pray for the restoration... that the prodigal becomes what the Father wanted all along... So, a prodigal in this story could not be a son or a brother until he was restored, returned home with forgiveness on his lips... the Father must have waiting... for he saw him a long way off... and ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.
In my own life, I want God's love. I want to be standing at the window waiting... my bitter heart has turned from the window... and can't imagine that prodigal returning... I can't see the picture with restoration. So, I can pray. I can ask God to begin the restoration in my soul. I can ask God to help me be the party planner... you know I love a good party.... and I prayed today to want to plan a party... to feel that love again.... not this bitterness that wells up... not the hurt... to be filled with love... for even if the prodigal never asks for forgiveness... and never returns.... I want to be home waiting at the window... I want to buy the streamers and balloons... I want the menu planned... so just in case, I am ready for the party.... my heart will be ready... I pray God changes it... and I will choose to obey and forgive.
How many of us are prodigals with God the Father waiting for us to come home? Just choose the narrow path, choose to go home and ask forgivensess.... and how many of us are no longer filled with joy when a lost son returns to God? Is there a party somewhere waiting on your attendance? Are you ready to give a party?
So - I saw someone in my life being a prodigal - running away and living life recklessly... to be rewarded with a father's love. But in "my story", there was no forgiveness and no change of heart... no hitting the bottom and choosing to repent or change... just the celebratory homecoming. So, my bitterness overwhelms my heart. My righteous anger bubbles over for the father who is loving the son... and the son who is not repentant for all the past hurts and wrongs. For you see, one son can affect the WHOLE family. So, I found myself being the bitter son... the one saying - Father - Why? Why him? Why reward him? Why reward this one?
I think of my two sons, and wonder if there will be a day when they leave home with reckless abandon and depart from their teachings... I pray not. But then, I think I could be a bit more understanding and less bitter... so today...
I heard the most wonderful sermon at church... about forgiveness, grieving the loss, get God's strength, follow God's guidance, and expect God's restoration.
I find I am the one older son that stayed home... but I don't want to be him. I learned after careful examination that the one bitter son was just that - bitter. He was just as bad as the one who went away. He did not ask the father about the reasons why - but instead sent a servant to ask the father. I don't want that in my relationships. I want open communication. Plus, the one son was so self-righteous... and don't I have a closet full of sins that God has forgiven? Of course. I may not be a prodigal... but I have had my foolish moments that makes me thankful for grace and a forgiving God.
I heard in the sermon that I have two paths... just like this narrow road I am on... I can choose to 1. rehearse or 2. release.... I am a bit more of a rehearser in life... playing that scene over and over in the theater of my mind... but I want to release it... I want to be free. I have some hope. Releasing is not a one time thing sometimes... it is everyday, every hour, and sometimes every minute. As I write and type, I cry out to God for me to release this prodigal son, and I cry out to God to forgive me for my sin of being the bitter one... I cry out for more love for the Father and the prodigal... to release this... to find peace... for the prodigal to be a prodigal that is restored... For it is not the prodigal that scares me, I don't want to be "other son" that is home and angry. I want to be at the celebration. I want the forgiveness and love. I want to give the first toast... because when the prodigal left... don't you think the older son must have missed the prodigal so much? Just as much as the Father?
I found today that I had to admit my bitterness came from love. I love this prodigal.. and I have missed the prodigal in my life... but until a prodigal can ask forgiveness... how can there be true restoration? Only a party... So, I pray for the restoration... that the prodigal becomes what the Father wanted all along... So, a prodigal in this story could not be a son or a brother until he was restored, returned home with forgiveness on his lips... the Father must have waiting... for he saw him a long way off... and ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.
In my own life, I want God's love. I want to be standing at the window waiting... my bitter heart has turned from the window... and can't imagine that prodigal returning... I can't see the picture with restoration. So, I can pray. I can ask God to begin the restoration in my soul. I can ask God to help me be the party planner... you know I love a good party.... and I prayed today to want to plan a party... to feel that love again.... not this bitterness that wells up... not the hurt... to be filled with love... for even if the prodigal never asks for forgiveness... and never returns.... I want to be home waiting at the window... I want to buy the streamers and balloons... I want the menu planned... so just in case, I am ready for the party.... my heart will be ready... I pray God changes it... and I will choose to obey and forgive.
How many of us are prodigals with God the Father waiting for us to come home? Just choose the narrow path, choose to go home and ask forgivensess.... and how many of us are no longer filled with joy when a lost son returns to God? Is there a party somewhere waiting on your attendance? Are you ready to give a party?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Summer
Well, I just went to the homeschooling convention in Orlando for two nights with Sweat Pea. We had a lot of fun. It was so strange to go out of town without the Prince and the boys. We missed them, but it was a true vacation... However, the convention was challenging. By the end of the convention, I did not want to go to another convention again. I am sure by next year I will be ready to go... but it was overwhelming... it really inspires you to be in control of teaching your children and how and what. There are so many great choices out there. I am usually so "black and white" so I want to choose the BEST curriculum. Truly you can ask 10 people what is the best Math curriculum and you would get probably 5 different answers. There are some curriculums that are more commonly used, and the one a person is using seems to be the BEST in their eyes. So, it is a wide road, and hard to choose which path we will be on. I have chosen next year's curriculum... I have heard it seems I might be doing "private school" at home... and I am sure I will be. I want all my children to have the best education, and I do think that she can have that.. but being home will have so many more benefits for our family. We will be blessed to get to teach her ourselves. We won't miss those moments. I am so excited to start. We actually will be starting slowly this summer.
Math - Purposeful Design (published by American Christian Schools) and Abeka timed drills
Spelling - Purposeful Design
Reading - Bob Jones & Abeka readers
History - Abeka Our Histoy 2nd grade and Veritas Press timeline cards with Classical Conversations
Bible - Bob Jones
English - English for the Thoughful Child and Bob Jones
Art - How Great Thou Art book and Classical Conversations studying specific artists
Science - Classical Conversations and some different experiments including Abeka and ABC
Health - Abeka
Spanish - Vocabulary building - journaling
* Classical Converstaions on Fridays and Memory work daily
We kicked off summer with a day at the beach on Sweet Pea's Last Day of School Party with her class. I don't know if you can see how much sand is in Squash's hair... lots and lots... and this is Pumpkin with a face full of sand (it was the best picture I got of him)... they were way too busy to pose for pictures.
We are thanking God for a bountiful harvest in our garden. These zuccini's were huge... we kept finding them hidden... it was not our intention to let them grow so big. Yes, they are better small in my opinion. Notice all the corn and squash in the little red wagon. I got some great pictures of all the kids pulling the husks off the corn.
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